Post 11 Feb operation

Firstly, thanks to Ian for writing the great blog updates.

I am going to give you the full account of the last week or so. Last Saturday was a very quiet day and we spent all day at home. The gardener was meant to arrive and I had great plans to remove some bushes and plant some new plants, but alas, that did not happen as he did not arrive. Dylan and Sean promised me that they would remove the bushes but with teenagers you need bucket loads of patience as everything only happens when THEY are ready.
Sunday was a strange day. I felt calm but was dizzy and felt ‘outside’ my body. Difficult to explain when you feel your head and mind are not quite with you in the physical body. Around 2pm I just could not ‘relax’ at home anymore and convinced Ian that we needed to take a drive to a nursery a few kilometres away. There we strolled and browsed through the various plants and water features for sale. That did not make me feel any better as it was hot and humid. At the nursery we shared a toasted sandwich and had two drinks! Now, that make me feel better! Came home, prepared supper and the whole family was in bed, lights out, by 9h30pm. Even if Ian had some hacky packy on his mind for the evening, it would not happen because Sean snuck his way into our bedroom and camped out for the night. The air conditioner ran all night (one on the most humid hottest week-end we have had in Cape Town).

Monday morning I had toast and low fat cheese for breakfast and then relaxed and meditated in a lavender bubble bath. I felt totally calm and in control, no dizziness or giddiness. Ian and I dropped by the shopping mall to kill some time, arrived at the hospital at noon for blood test and checked into my room. The nurse arrived to do all the admission questions, screening and checking. The nurse asked if I had shaved and I answered “I don’t need too”…. It took her a moment to realise what I have said. :) Then Charlotte arrived – she was the nursing sister who was such a huge emotional support when I got the news 18 Oct of my cancer – and I just could not control my emotions anymore, lots of tears and hugs (Charlotte did not recognise me initially with no hair). How do you explain to anybody close to you how scared you are for what the doctors may find. Post the admission Ian left and I was alone with my own thoughts and prayers. The minister who confirmed me over 30 years ago surprised me with a visit, he did a small bible reading and a special prayer. The porter came to fetch me just after 4pm, so now the show was on the road. Inside the theatre area Dr V came to chat to me and asked if I had any questions about the procedure. We had to wait a few minutes for Dr H, a specialist oncologist gynaecologist, to arrive and during this time I got kitted out with a bright orange bandanna to keep my head warm. My 2 special doctors wheeled me into theatre. I must add that I have two of the very best doctors looking after me. I have the greatest respect for both these men.

I don’t remember much of the balance on Monday. I remember seeing Ian, telling him that I was sore and then saying that he may as well leave as I am not much to talk too. Tuesday I spent the whole day and night lying on my back, getting IV feeding. No food or liquid was allowed to pass my lips until the intestines started acting normally again. The omentum was removed, this is a layer of fat that lies between the intestines and the skin across the front hip area, and the way I understand it is that the omentum protects the intestines from infection, so for example, my left ovary was still cancerous and the omemtum will then grow a protective layer around the ovary to protect the balance of the abdomen from infection, in the process getting infected itself. My guts were in shock because the caretaker has been removed, so they lay there rigid and unwilling to do anything. Dr V popped around to update me that they removed 10 bottles of various goodies from my abdomen. They removed the left ovary, the omentum, a small growth from the bladder, quite a bit of scar tissue where the right ‘extended’ ovary was, abdominal fluids, etc. All this has been sent for histology. I did a small walk around my bedroom and sat in a chair for 30 minutes – shew !! that was enough for the first day.

Mr V phoned me Wednesday morning elated with his news. All the histology was negative with the exception of my left ovary. I was so drugged and my tongue was so thick that I could not even respond to him properly and somehow did not feel the elation in my heart. I was still ‘nil per mouth’ lying on my back. By the afternoon my guts started moving inside my tummy like a big lazy python, but this was not enough for the nursing care to remove the ‘nil per mouth’ restriction. Late afternoon Dr H and Dr V popped in. Dr H sat on the end of my bed and Dr V on a chair on the other side of me. Dr V had to find another vein in my right arm as the IV drip had started seeping into my soft tissue. The nurse had tried 4 times and just could not find a vein in the right arm and the left arm is totally buggered from chemo. Dr H explained that at this stage all visible signs of cancer have been removed but that I do still have cancer at a microscopic level and that I will have to undergo more chemo to kill each and every one of the cancer cells. If just one little cancer cell remains alive it will grow and within 6 to 12 months I will have visible cancer again. The recommendation is 2, probably 3 more rounds of chemo but Dr H would discuss this with Dr L (my oncologist). My visitors Wednesday were elated with the news, but still I didn’t feel it. Wednesday evening my catheter was removed and I could walk to the bathroom with my IV trolley are support. Freedom!!

Thursday I got started on a liquid only diet, chicken broth and jelly for breakfast, lunch and supper! Once deprived it is amazing how excited one can get about chicken broth!! Friday Dr V pops around, says the IV can be removed and if all goes well, I can go home Saturday. Friday afternoon Dr H phones me post a discussion he has had with Dr L regarding my health. Their combined recommendation is four more rounds of chemo….. shit shit shit shit shit…. I cannot believe that I need to go through the last 4 months again!!!! How does one feel happy that there is no visible cancer when you have 4 rounds of chemo facing you. It actually just fills me with emotion, crying as I write this… I just don’t feel the happiness that everybody seems to think that I should have. I still feel like a cancer patient and I am one…. Four more months of nausea, of aching joints, of no hair, of feeling exhausted, of low white cells, of neutrophils that need boosting…..