Last night I hardly slept a wink.
Jen (my alcoholic sister-in-law) smuggled a small cooler bag into the hospital for me yesterday and Ian and I had a few whiskeys to settle the emotions. I had big ones and Ian was only allowed to have little ones - my goodness, he can go home after visiting hour and have many more, besides which he still has to drive home !
After visiting hours the nursing trolley came past with the usual painkillers and sleeping tablets as options - I go full house - Need them all tonight! And from 2200 it is "Nil Per Mouth" as I need to go for full abdominal scan with a full bladder. Eventually at 0430 I get an injection, but still sleep evades me.
I get up at 7 to wash my face, brush teeth and shower. Have you ever tried to shower with a full bladder..... it is bloody awful. At 0800 the porter comes to fetch me and we take a trip to radiology, with plenty speedbumps to cross with my full bladder - urgh The hospital staff are all in a great mood, the foyer is decorated and all staff members are wearing their Springbok supporter jerseys, the folks are placing bets and everybody is joking around. South Africa is playing in the final on Saturday evening - Rugby World Cup fever has infected the whole nations.
The abdominal scan show that my lungs, speen, liver, kidneys are all clear of visible lesions - excellent news !!! That means that the cancer cells have not yet had time to adhere themselves and to grow into something that the human eye can see. (Dr V did mention that he removed a little growth, like a mole, from my bladder) .
Back to my ward to checkout as I want to go home now. My heart is heavy but I manage to smile. I forgot to mention, one of the nurses, Charlotte, was absolutely stunning with me yesterday and she popped around at the end of the day with a PS chocolate for me, with message "never give up". What more can I say.
I had a little afternoon nap at home and then Margie and Roza (two friends from work) came around to provide emotional support. It was wonderful drinking bubbly with the girls and to talk about non cancer stuff and to laugh, tho it hurts my tummy when I laugh, but what the heck.
We had a quiet family dinner, Dylan (16) went out and Sean (14) stayed home to watch the Rugby World Cup games for 3rd and 4th place. I went to bed around 2030 and just sobbed, and sobbed and sobbed, those raw emotional sobs.. .. all the questions 'why me?' I am just so so scared of the road ahead... and I am going to lose all my hair... I just cannot handle it all at the moment.
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